I’m just a mum!

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Proud mum moment

My youngest daughter took part in the school production of Billy Elliot at Woodkirk Academy this week and what a production it was! It had sell out shows every night.

The children and young people who took part were so talented and put their hearts and souls into the singing, dancing and acting. It was so good to see young people in a good light, compared to many of the things we see in the media everyday. From the performers on the stage, the orchestra and the back stage crew, the children were an absolute credit to their school.

Both of my daughters have been involved in productions at the school over time and I can honestly say that they have been some of the best performances that I have seen. I have to pay tribute to all the staff who are involved too as it would never happen without their hard work.

I couldn’t begin to pick out particular performers as they were all so good, but I have to say, even if I am a bit biased that my youngest daughter showed an aptitude for comedy timing that I didn’t know she possessed. Definitely a proud mum moment.

The performances, of all the children, in my opinion would rival any professional production. Considering that the oldest performer on the stage was eighteen years old, that’s pretty impressive.

Moving moments

Billy Elliot is one of those shows that has you laughing one minute and crying the next. It tells us a lot about family and community, but also about how it is sometimes really difficult to be different and that it’s okay to dream of a future that is out of the norm.

I absolutely love the show, One of the most moving moments for me is when Billy shows his dance teacher a letter that his mum wrote for him before she died. I can never listen to the song without being moved to tears. At the end the dance teacher tells Billy that his mother must have been a very special woman and he replies “No, she was just my mam”

Says it all really

A day for mothers

Today in the UK it was Mothering Sunday, or Mother’s day as it is more commonly referred to. It is a celebration of mothers, but also these days families as a whole.  I spent a lovely day with my husband, two daughters and extended family, at my sister-in-law’s house, where we all had lunch. It was lovely for us all to be together as we haven’t done that for a while. It was made even better by it being a glorious spring day. This allowed for sitting in the garden during the afternoon, chatting and relaxing. I couldn’t really ask for anything else to make it a perfect day.

It was so lovely to have both my girls home this weekend and to see them together, having grown into two very lovely young women (in my humble opinion). I am so proud of them both and feel very fortunate to have been given the privilege  of being a mother.

The eldest one has now gone back to London now, but will be back home in a couple of weeks for the big 50th birthday party. Can’t believe its so close now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Making Progress

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Worth the work

My husband has finished decorating our eldest daughter’s bedroom this week. The decorating didn’t take long, once we had sorted everything out and packed it all away. We bought a lovely sofa bed and some very minimal furniture just to finish it off. I decided not to put all her bits and bobs back out, but just a few selected items, to make it look like her space. It looks so much tidier and much more grown up than it did before.  She’s due home on Saturday, just overnight so I’m hoping that she really likes it.

Three Dresses Later

After much searching, I’ve finally found the perfect dress. It’s the third one I’ve bought. The other two were okay, but just not quite what I was looking for. However I’ve got this one now and it is everything I wanted. I also found a lovely pair of shoes in my daughter’s wardrobe, which she bought for prom. They’ve been boxed up ever since, but go really well with the dress, so I’ve decided to borrow them.

The other dresses will come in handy anyway as I’ve got my youngest daughters eighteenth birthday and my eldest daughters graduation, both in the same week in July, so will need something to wear for these.

Still going strong

I’m still managing to stay off the coffee, even though we are a couple of weeks in to Lent now. It’s really helping me to stay off the biscuits and cakes too, which can only be a good thing. I’ve managed to do plenty of walking this week and a couple of runs, so that’s helping me to stay on the straight and narrow. I walked nine miles with my friend this morning. This is as part of the training sessions for Walk the Walk (moonwalk) which is getting closer. We’ll have to do some longer walks as the weeks go on, but we are really pleased with our progress so far.

 

 

Smashed It!

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Pleased as Punch

My first “smashed it” day was on Tuesday, when I finally managed to reach the point where I have lost a stone! I am so pleased and it feels like a massive achievement. I know it’s taken about nine weeks, but it has definitely spurred me on to keep chipping away at that weight bit by bit.

The second “smashed it” moment came on Saturday morning at Parkrun. Again this has been slow progress over the last nine weeks, but I managed to get my time down to under 40 minutes (actually 36:51), which considering that when I started in January it was taking me 46 minutes, this is definitely a big hurdle that I have managed to finally leap and makes me feel that all the hard work has been worthwhile.

Proud as a Peacock

I had one of those moments on Wednesday when I remembered how wonderful it is when your children do something that just makes you so damn proud. I attended a BTech performing arts concert in which my youngest daughter took part. She had been talking about the fact that she was going to do a solo of some sort and by Sunday night, giving herself only three days to prepare, she finally decided what she was going to do. Sitting in the concert my husband and I were convinced that she would chicken out, but were also really nervous that if she did do it, it might not be the best performance we’d seen, considering the lack of rehearsal. Needless to say, her rendition of “Cabaret”, was superb. She has the knack of just being able to pull things off when she really needs to. This left me wondering why I ever doubted that she would, which is often the case with her.

Confusing Contradictions

This week was International Women’s Day, which saw a number of inspiring events, celebrating Women and their achievements. However there were some stories in the news that felt a bit of a contradiction to this.

One was the Bishop who stood down after attracting criticism for his opposition to women priests. I don’t agree that anyone should come under personal attack, but what other organisation would employ someone in such an important position, who automatically alienates a large part of their members.

The second was a female Judge who made comments regarding women who get drunk and are raped. I think as women we should certainly be aware of our own safety and should not take unnecessary risks, but to mention this as part of a trial and seeing the sentence that was handed out, makes me feel like we have stepped back in time to the days when victims were made to feel shame for being victims.

So ladies let’s keep celebrating our achievement, because although we’ve come a long way, we still have very far to go.

 

 

Sentimental Stuff

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The clear-out continues

Have you ever started a bit of a decluttering session and it’s ended up aa a sentimental walk down memory lane? I have continued sorting out my eldest daughters bedroom in the loft this week, but ended up looking through lots of things that she had saved which brought back lovely memories.

There were dozens of programmes from shows that we’ve seen, school photographs and year books, mementos from performances that she’s been in and places that we’ve visited and lots of birthday cards (even one valentine’s card) It took me much longer than I anticipated to sort it all out and box it up, as I kept taking photo’s of things and sending her messages about the things I had found. It was actually a lovely afternoon and I loved being reminded of some of the past. I started again this morning and finally managed to sort it all out today and pack it away ready for decorating.

When you just can’t bear to part with something

I reported last week that I had decluttered the loft and one of the things that I had intended to throw out was my wedding dress, It was very dirty around the bottom and had something spilled on it from when it was worn as a fancy dress outfit. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but eventually agreed that it would go to the tip. I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure, but had to be ruthless and decided it had to go. On Monday morning I got a text from my husband saying was I sure that it was going to the tip. I then had second thoughts and asked him to hang on to it. when I got home it was back in its bag in the loft. Neither of us could actually get rid of it. I guess we’ll get rid of it the next time we have a clear out….. or maybe not!

A coffee-less week

So as Lent started this week, I decided that I would give up coffee. I don’t drink loads of coffee, but when I do I like it quite milky and I also quite like something with it like cakes or biscuits, the idea behind giving up coffee is that I cut down on the milk and hopefully any cakes or biscuits that I might be tempted to eat. To be fair I quite like a herbal tea, but it doesn’t really go with a chocolate digestive!

 

 

Ups and Downs

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A personal Best

I went to Parkrun again on Saturday. I know I keep banging on about it, but I can’t tell you enough how much it’s encouraged me to keep on running. As well as being lapped by the fastest runners, I also get lapped by parents running with double buggies, adults running with small children and people running with dogs. Despite all this there is constant support from the marshals and a tail runner to make sure that no matter how slow you are, you always have someone with you. I hit another personal best this week, at 45:10, still at the back, but still determined.

A healthy eating lapse

My healthy eating plan went out of the window for several days this week. The first reason was due to comfort eating. I haven’t done this since the start of the year, but for some reason I allowed other people to undermine my confidence and make me feel miserable. Before I knew what had happened I had called in the supermarket on the way home and was tucking into a full tub of Ben and Jerry’s. This was then followed of two days of eating sweets and biscuits which made me feel rough. I know that comfort eating is not the answer, but still occasionally slip back into these habits without even thinking about it.

The second reason was that on Saturday I spent the afternoon in Leeds with some lovely friends from work, as one of our lovely ladies is leaving. It was a great afternoon and although it’s very sad that someone is moving on, it was lovely for us all to get together and spend some time away from work. It wasn’t great for the healthy eating plan (I’m not sure you can count cocktails as part of your 5 a day) but I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m now back on track ready to face a new week in a positive frame of mind.

Decluttering

I spent my Sunday afternoon decluttering the attic bedroom. This was occupied full-time by my eldest daughter prior to going to university. She’s been gone for three years now and there are things stored in there that haven’t seen the light of day in all that time.

To be fair there were things that haven’t seen the light of day for a lot longer than that. This included the following:

  • A pair of ski salopettes belonging to my husband (we haven’t been skiing for over 20 years!)
  • My wedding dress (we’ve been married 26 years, but it did have an airing about 6 years ago when my eldest daughter went to a Tim Burton themed party as “The corpse Bride”)
  • Several pairs of shoes belonging to my youngest daughter (She absolutely had to have them, but wore them only once)
  • Various blow up air beds (some of which don’t actually inflate anymore)
  • Spare rolls of wallpaper and carpet (none of it which matched any of the wallpaper or carpet that we have now

Thankfully we agreed what would be taken to the tip, what we were keeping and what would go to the charity shop, which now leaves space for more useful items and after a coat of paint will make a lovely bedroom again for when she comes home, or a guest bedroom for anyone else who wants to stay.

A bit of a mixed bag all in all, but here’s to next week, whatever it brings!

Short but sweet

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When I started this blog in January I wanted to make sure that I had something to write about each week. I didn’t want it to be boring to look back on in a years time. So here is just a short snippet for this week:

Today was the first training session for “Walk the Walk” in May. It was a six mile walk around Hardcastle Crags, which is a lovely part of Yorkshire. The weather was mild, but dull and it was quite muddy in parts. It was lovely to spend a couple of hours with my husband and my friend, walking and talking and made even better by a café on the route.

What was really great though was to see families out walking with their children. Last week I went to Ikea to look for furniture and saw families virtually dragging children round there. I’m afraid I’m not very tolerant of children in heelies or running round playing hide and seek. I apologise to those who have no choice to take their children to places like this at the weekend, but children always seem much happier being allowed to climb on rocks, paddle in puddles and stamp through mud in their wellies. In these days of gadgets and non stop entertainment, it was good to see children out and about, enjoying the simple things in life.

The route we took today includes a part of the world where we spent time when we were younger. It was lovely to see my husband pointing into the distance and explaining to my friend how, 27 years ago, he proposed to me on the banks of the river, down on one knee in the freezing cold and knee deep snow.  Valentines Day goes uncelebrated in our house, as a protest against commercialism, but it’s nice to know that deep down inside, he’s still an old romantic at heart.

Image result for hardcastle craggs

A work in progress

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I am what I am

As you’ve probably realised already, I am not a slim lady. I am overweight, a larger lady, although one of my friends once described me as “rubenesque”. Afterwards she came and apologised to me as she felt that I might be offended. I have to say that I wasn’t. I am aware of how I look and sometimes this bothers me and I decide to do something about it. Other times I feel that I am who I am and my confidence in other areas of my life makes me forget about my weight. It is because of this that I have been a “yo yo dieter” for most of my adult life. I am like a lot of women with a weight problem and have tried all sorts of ridiculous diets. I’ve spent a fortune on books, foods and gadgets in an effort to lose weight and keep it off. I have wasted far too much time in the quest to have the perfect body, which in all honesty I’m unlikely to achieve and which probably doesn’t exist.

Will this year be different?

This year I am trying to put a stop to this and eat healthily and exercise because I want to and because I enjoy it, rather than spending a few weeks starving myself followed by weeks of just eating far too much. We are now 6 weeks into the new year and I am still doing well. Normally I’ve given up by now. However, I’m not saying I’ve been perfect. I have enjoyed nights out, I’ve had meals out, followed by dessert. The one thing I haven’t done so far is to just to completely blow it all because I’ve gone off track once.

The other thing that is really helping is running. I never thought I’d ever say that!  When I say running, I’m not talking about sprinting, but a slow plod, a jog, sometimes interspersed with a walk and a slightly faster jog.  I’ve always enjoyed walking, but I have continued with run together and have also been doing parkrun on a Saturday morning. The support of these groups is amazing and I am improving my fitness as well as losing a bit of weight, which can only be good. Long may it continue.

How could I be offended?

I accept that I am not model slim, but it is more important to be healthy and happy. At this moment in time I am remaining positive that I will continue to lose some weight, but living life for now, rather than waiting until then.

I looked at some of Ruben’s paintings on the internet. They involve some very shapely women, along with some religious painting and slightly scary artwork.

As a matter of interest the urban dictionary has the following definition of rubenesque:

“Applied to a woman who has similar proportions to those in paintings by the Flemish painter Peter Paul Ruben; attractively plump; a woman who is alluring or pretty but without the waif-like body or athletic build presently common in media.”

How could anyone be offended by that?

 

 

 

A woman of a certain age

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What are we waiting for?

As I get nearer to 50 I have begun to realise that people expect certain behaviour from you as you get to “a certain age”, as demonstrated by the following conversation at work this week:

Male colleague: I need a haircut

Me: I’m trying to grow mine a bit

Male colleague: I think when women get to a certain age they shouldn’t have long hair

Me: Well what’s a certain age?

Male colleague: Well I know how old you are because you’ve invited me to your 50th

Me: So what’s classed as long hair

Slight pause, followed by an explanation of who he knows, how old they are and how long their hair is!

The thing is that I feel more confident, less stressed and more free to do some of the things that I’ve put off for years whilst waiting to lose weight, waiting until the children are more independent, waiting until I can afford or waiting until I retire.

Things to stop wasting your time with

My daughter posted an item on Facebook  20 Things You Should Stop Wasting Your Time Doing In Your 20s. I looked through it and I realised that a lot of the things that are still relevant to me and some of my friends of a similar age. It’s sad that we let our insecurities and self doubt restrict our lives.  I’m certainly still guilty of a lot of things on the list – namely

Feeling the need to justify your choices

Looking for reassurances that you are enough

Letting other people’s fear dictate your decisions

Talking about improving your life but never doing anything about it

Never leaving your comfort zone

Keeping your life cluttered

Deciding you’ll only do things when you have money or lose weight

Being afraid to ask for help

Sound familiar to any of you?

So part of this year’s plan of action is to start and shake these things off !

The girls

I was really lucky to be able to go to London with a couple of lovely ladies from work to see “The Girls”, this weekend which is the musical based on the Calendar Girls. It was a brilliant show, funny in some parts and very moving in others. It is written by Gary Barlow and Tim Firth. The script and the music seem to go hand in hand to create a retelling of the story in a new way. It is based on a true story involving a group of women from a Yorkshire Women’s Institute, who raise money for a sofa at a local hospital, where one of their husband’s died. They do this by creating a nude calendar. Very brave ladies who went against convention for a great cause.

The really great thing about it for me was the women in the show. Not only did they have great voices and superb acting skills, but their bravery in baring (nearly) all live in front of an audience was impressive in itself. The show talks a lot about women’s roles in life, what’s expected of women by their partners, children and society in general. It also teaches us a lot about ourselves. How we put on a brave face or try to be something we are not to fit in with others. One song especially struck a chord with me – “What age expects”- I’m not as old as the lady in question, but this line certainly says it all

“Don’t be the colour of your hair, be the colour of your heart”

Absolutely! And its no one else’s business how long that hair is !

Harrods – What a disappointment!

And finally just a little bit of a moan.

One of the things we wanted to do whilst in London was to visit Harrods. We had a few things that we wanted to buy. So off we went with our overnight cases, having checked ot of the hotel this morning.

Initially we were turned away from two exits and told to go round the building with no explanation from the slightly snooty security staff. I know I’d had a good night out but I didn’t think I looked rough enough to be refused entry.

On the third occasion we were directed to the next door on and were handed a bag drop card. We went to the bag drop and were told that our bags would be scanned and then we could leave our bags for £25 per item. The consolation was that you then receive a £25 voucher to spend in Harrods. Lovely, we thought, great for security and nice to wander round without the bags. Also fair enough that they charge you to leave your bag if you just wander round and don’t spend anything. Sadly this is not the case (excuse the pun) You have to spend £50 to get £25 off, so unless you spend £50 each, it costs you £25 each to leave your bag.

Come on Harrods, this is a really elitist system. If you’re concerned for security, I am more than happy to have my bag scanned and check it in.  I don’t mind paying for the privilege and getting some of the money back, but £25 is a joke.

My feeling is that it is not about security at all, but about making a bit of extra money, or just putting the average, non millionaire visitor off entering your store!

 

Moan over. After all it’s been a great weekend spent with lovely people doing things that I love most. Here’s to the next one ladies and here’s to all “women of a certain age” who refuse to be tied down by other people’s opinions of them. I certainly intend to be one of them.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the music

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A Party Playlist

As part of the planning for my 50th birthday party , I have been starting to devise a playlist. I thought that this would be an easy task, just to pick some music that gets people up on the dance floor. However, It wasn’t as easy as I thought. I know that a lot of the people who are coming won’t have seen  each other for some time, so I wanted to have some “background” music to allow people to catch up with each other and chat. The plan then is to have this music until we have food, followed by music for people to dance to. Still not an easy thing to do as there is so much music that I love to listen to, that makes me happy, that makes me want to dance or makes me want to sing along. So how do you start to choose the right music for the occasion ?

A meaningful playlist

Music is such an important part of my life and always has been. In making a playlist, I wanted to choose music that has meant something throughout my life. Music reminds me of past events, both happy and sad. There has been music played at weddings, parties, celebrations and also at funerals. There’s the music that just has the words that I need at that moment in time. When I hear that music again it takes me back to the emotions that I felt, offers some peace or allows me to take my mind elsewhere. Music can help us to express ourselves, whether through singing, dancing, daydreaming or sometimes having a good cry.

I can’t say that I have a particular taste in music. As a child I remember my parents and brothers listening to various things, from classical to reggae to heavy metal music. I was a teenager through a big part of the eighties and love that era for it’s music which I still listen to now. I love to listen to musical theatre soundtracks. I have gone to church most of my life and have favourite hymns and religious music.  As my children have grown up, we have gone through various stages of liking different music and I have listened to them all with an open mind, although I have begun to sound a bit like my mum, when I say things like “It’s a bit loud” and “It doesn’t have much of a tune”

So what have I chosen for my playlist?

Here’s just a taster:

Rick Astley – Never gonna give you up- from when I met my husband

Journey – Don’t stop believing – Just says it all really

Scissor Sisters – I don’t feel like dancing – Reminds me of my girls being in pantomime when they were little and always makes me want to dance

Michael Bublé – Feeling Good – Another song that my daughters did a dance routine to which made me so proud and is always uplifting

What music would you choose that marks important events in your life?

An ordinary life

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A good week to be me

There are those days or weeks when you feel at odds with the world and can fall out with everyone including yourself. Then there are those times where you feel that all is well between yourself and the world and have a sense of peace and calm.

This week has been a good one, where I have managed to get on with most people and have quite liked myself too. This might sound a bit odd, but there are some times when I overthink what I have said or done and feel bad about myself and end up not liking myself very much. However this week has not been like that. Friends or relatives may tell you differently, but I feel that it’s been a good week to be me.

There have been no great events this week, no particular defining moments, but sometimes life is like that and maybe its just appreciating the simple things in life that makes all the difference

A sense of achievement

I finished some work for my  Training Qualification this week, which has taken just short of a year. This has been completed as part of my job and it feels good to get it out of the way. Part of this was reflecting on training that I had done and assignments that I had completed. When you begin to reflect in one area of your life it kind of follows on that you do it in other areas of your life too, so I suppose I was in a reflective kind of mood. To really look at yourself, see what you did well, what was not so good and how you can improve is quite difficult sometimes. I certainly concentrate on what went badly and “beat myself up”, so it’s definitely good for me to look at the things that I do well, see the successes, rather than just concentrating on the failures.

It’s the little things

I was fortunate this week to spend a few days working in London. This was good for several reasons, not least because I spent time with one of the lovely ladies that I work with, but also because I got to see my eldest daughter a couple of times. One evening we went across to the university to watch the pantomime, which she had helped choreograph. Another evening we went out for cocktails.

Both were lovely evenings and very timely, as my daughter had been having a few rough days and was not quite as upbeat as she sometimes is. After a lovely chat, a hug and some reassurance, she was back to her normal self. No matter how grown up you are, you just sometimes need your mum. As an added bonus, as I came home her dad went to see her, so she got to spend time with him too.

Whilst my husband was away on Friday there was just me and my youngest daughter at home and we had pizza and a glass of wine whilst watching a film. It was lovely just to sit and chat and spend some time together. Sometimes life just seems to pass by so quickly and we forget that these little things can be really important.

If I should die before I wake

There have been some times in my life, not after great achievements or life changing events, but quite often after a family get together, a holiday, or just a period of time when things seem to be settled and all is well in my own little world. On these occasions I have said “If I die tonight, I would die happy”. My youngest daughter says I’m morbid. It’s not meant to be morbid, but just that feeling of knowing that as the day ends I am content with the hand that I have been dealt and couldn’t ask for more.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all felt like this at the end of everyday?